ONE EYE ALWAYS LOOKING BACK

What's happening today, people?

I love coming home to a big sleepy doggy sprawled out on my bedroom floor. I'm sure he'd be in my bed if it weren't so high off the ground.

I'm up, I'm dressed, I've got some coffee, and I'm about to take Harvey out on a walk. I daresay I'm on the way to a rather productive morning.

I interviewed at the Food Co-op today. It went pretty well, and I'll know by Friday at latest whether I get the job. I hope so.

Other accomplishments today include walking a total of just about 10 miles, making a fabulous pizza for dinner, and sitting through Worksource/unemployment orientation for the third time in two years. The pizza was the most interesting bit just there.

Now I think I'm going to watch a little more "Father Ted", and then hit the sack early tonight.

Why is it that whenever I'm going to be up really late, I don't eat enough to keep me going through the night? Answer: Because my belly doesn't actually hold much at a time. The real problem is that I don't always feel hungry when I should be eating, and that gets worse when I'm up much later than usual. So here I am, make-up scrubbed off and in pajamas, eating crackers and an apple and almonds, honestly kinda wishing for pizza. Ah well. This is better for me anyway.

I had no idea what I was going to wear tonight until I started digging through my costume stuff. I found a curly white wig I hadn't yet worn in public, decided that I wanted to build something around that, and came up with knee-length, fluffy red petticoat, a dark green lace skirt over that and pinned up in front, ruffle-front black satin shirt with tails, white waist cincher with a pale blue deboned corset over it, black velvet tights, and black satin captain's coat over all. The coat covered the skirt just perfectly; I could wear them as a dress combo sometime. I had some fun with make-up, and the resultant look was generally called Marie Antoinette, though the silver skull hanging off my choker was put on with Madame Guillotine in mind. "Random Dead French Aristo" worked well, too.

I caught the "Thriller" zombie dance downtown, and found several friends there. I hung out with different friends in turn for a couple hours, then wandered over to a certain house which had a bit of a party going. I stayed far later than intended, made some friendly acquaintances, and had an overall very good time. Now it is time for some serious sleeping.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind thoughts and concern.

Bone cancer is inherently very painful (as I know from talking with a friend who died of it), so the plan with Harvey is to give him painkillers to cut the pain down. He isn't fully sick yet, so that'll make the time between now and then rather better. When it gets to the point where we can't cut the pain, and he's really sick, then it'll be time to make the big decision. Until then, the thing to do is give him lots of love. The only problem is that he won't eat food with the pills in, and he's an expert at spitting things back up. I've tried everything. Wonder if there's an injection the vet can get for me....

Harvey has bone cancer.

At 9 & 1/2 years old (roughly), and being a giant breed of dog (definitely), this is really not surprising. It's probably been building for a while, and it just took the ankle-twisting/spraining of the other day to make things obvious (that is, the limp). We're giving him Rimadyl and Tramadol to ease the pain, since chemo is honestly just a very expensive way to buy a little time (in this situation), and amputation (since in the ankle region of the front right leg just now) would leave Harvey with only two good legs, his rear left leg being very weak from the injury when he was quite young. We seem to have found it rather early, but it's also very possible that the condition will accelerate rapidly from this point.

Basically, this means that sometime probably in the next three months, when Harvey becomes obviously sick and we can't mitigate the pain, we'll be giving him a farewell party.

The weather is reflecting my feelings quite well, just now.

I spent yesterday sitting in the engine compartment of my truck, reinstalling the carborator. It took awhile, since I wasn't the one who took it out and thereby wasn't completely sure what went where. It wasn't too complex though, and I hit on the brilliant idea of taking pictures with my phone, texting them to Jeff (stepdad person, and who took the piece out), and then calling and talking about this hose and that nipple and this squiggly piece of metal and that spring. It made for slow going, but greater certainty.

By 5:30 we were ready for a test drive. Mostly it was pretty good, but something isn't quite right, and there need to be some fiddly adjustments. I'd planned to work on that today, but it's been really foggy, too foggy to clearly tell exhaust from steam from fog. I might be able to get to it this afternoon, though.

Anyway...that's my big adventure, being grease-monkey girl.

Still sneezy and nose-blowy, but otherwise this cold seems to be on it's way out.

No real news beyond that, sorry.

Guess who has a cold!

Yep, that'd be me, all coughing and sneezing and nose-blowing. It's nowhere near as bad as the Stockholm PhlegmFest of 2006, and I think I can safely say I'm on the downswing now, but still.

Very exciting, I know. I think I'm going to pop in a movie and knit now.

Still alive, and feeling much better, though still a bit crappy, very worn-out.

I think we can rule out flu at this point, but it'll take awhile to figure out it it's mild food poisoning, the return of the dairy intolerance, or a flushing of general toxic build-up. I'm going off dairy for awhile, cracking down on the sugar intake (I've been horribly careless lately), and I'll see what else can be done to keep the innards happy.

Going to take Harvey out for a walk now; how I feel upon return will probably be quite telling.

Crap! I think I may be getting sick. I can't tell if I am, or if I'm having another bout of milk/lactose intolerance, because early symptoms are identical. Either way, I'm gonna rule out milk products for a bit and see if that helps.

Swine flu isn't supposed to cause gastro-intestinal issues, is it?

Dinner was Chinese food, and my fortune cookie said, "Your lover will never wish to leave you." A very nice fortune, all things considered. Amusingly, that is also the fortune my friend received. Friend's response was,"But what if you want them to leave??"

Yay for rain today! ...though I was really disappointed that the sky decided to rain itself out and clear up by the time I got home from work. I'd been really looking forward to cozying up with a pot of tea, a book, and a blanket. Instead I took the doggie to the beach, and talked on the phone for quite a while with a couple different people, and that's alright, I suppose. There'll be plenty of rainy days soon enough. Beside, I need some sunshine so I can finish moving and get on with plum-picking very soon!

Moving is progressing slowly, but I did pack up and move a bunch of stuff by myself. I intend to get the rest of the big items out this weekend, if I can get any helpers. The small stuff I can handle myself over the next few days. Still need a new bed, and I really want a raised frame for it, something I can store things under.

Anyway.

Greek Fest starts tomorrow at St Sophia's Church in Bellingham! So yummy...I'll be swinging by after work tomorrow. Must have tiropita and souvlaki....*drool* Maybe I'll make moussaka with all that eggplant I got from work. I don't like the way the local restaurants make moussaka, with Bechemel sauce and not nearly enough eggplant. Wonder if the eggplant will be okay in the fridge till Sunday? Should be, but no later than that.

Since I'm raving about food, I'll mention the cheesecake I made yesterday. It was really an exercise in clearing out the fridge; I had cream cheese and thick, strained, fat-free Greek-style yogurt which really needed using up. I also had a bland apple, a bruised peach, and a big black plum, so I diced those up and tossed them into a cookpot on 'low' till they got very soft. The cream cheese and yogurt I mixed with some powdered sugar, then mixed in the fruit. Graham crackers and the last of my butter made the crust, and the whole thing went into the oven for half an hour or so. Result? Best fruity cheesecake EVER, that's all! I really liked that the yogurt helped make the right texture and a good level of richness while actually cutting the overall fat levels down. Brown Cow Fat Free Greek Yogurt, so good!


Time for shower, and early to bed, 'cause tomorrow looks to be a busy day.

It's official. Tuesday September 1st is my "pay rent and move in" date for my new space in Bellingham. Anyone want to buy my beautiful long red velvet sofa? I'm keeping the loveseat, and the throne, but the sofa's just too big. I'll also have alot of clothing to give away, and maybe some books, but you gotta contact me! Also some shoes, ladies' size 10 and 11. There may be more stuff. Oh, anyone want my stash of acrylic yarn? I've got some really nice stuff in there, as well as your basic beginner-proof stuff.

I'm trying (and failing) to not angst over the move--all my stuff, the money, not having the helper I thought I had (ya poor scheduling)--and that last bit segues into general "relationship"-type insecurity and angst, 'cause Mike and I are still pretty casual, and I need a fair bit of emotional support right now. So does he, and if we don't figure out how to be supportive of each other when we're both stressed and living in different cities, we could very easily fall apart, which I really don't want. I'm worried about Harvey, worried that he won't adjust, or he'll be a nuisance from boredom while I'm at work. At least here on the farm he's got the other animals to interact with, and a really big yard to run freely in, and room to bark loudly. I'm mostly worried about the barking.

At least all this takes up most of the worry-energy I have, so that things like income after the Youngstock's season ends, and going back to school, aren't blowing themselves out of proportion. I have plans and contingencies for both, there's little cause for worry there, in reality. Point is, I'd be spazzed beyond reason if I had nothing else to worry about just now.

Random good news: A couple of the tomato plants I'd assumed dead actually grew, and fruited, and today I ate three little tomatoes of the purest red and most intense flavour I've ever encountered. They were truly astounding. Also, my one kohlrabi has survived the mix-up with the sunflowers (thanks, digging critters!), and it will be eaten before I leave this place. Whoever moves in next may be fortunate enough to harvest some squash, as there are blooms, and a cabbage, but I think everything else is lost to the morning glories and nasturtiums.
Oh, but I've made three batches of jam this past week! One was mostly rhubarb and cherry, with a lime, a couple plums, and some ginger. The other two were blackberry and lemon, one with ginger. There will be plum jam this year, as I seem to have run out of all the plum jam from last year, but I'll need to find some trees. I may not have access to the orchard I used last year, unfortunately.

I have very mixed feelings about leaving the farm, and about moving into a smaller/shared space. My deepest gut feeling is that I am very much doing the right thing, but I don't really understand why it is so right, and that confuses me. I hate not understanding.

Off I go to feed animals, then into town to collect paycheck and maybe check on some plum trees I've picked from in the past.

So, I mentioned looking for a place to live in Bellingham? Found one! Good place, excellent location--I think it'll work out quite well. I get to move in at the end of the month, or sooner if the current tenant clears out.

Today doesn't feel that warm, but the beach was almost too hot for walking on, and I dripped sweat just standing there, so Harvey and I are hanging out in the Coop with the fan on. I've been cleaning in the kitchen, reading, and have a short list of sewing projects to work on. Also have one or two knitting projects to finish, and much of tomorrow also available. What a relief, to have some time and very little pressure for these things!

Time to find food.

The boy gifted me with a lovely vintage glass decanter, very 50s Mexi-kitsch. It's got things like El Diablo dancing in fire, and a big guardian eye, and monkeys hanging from a tree branch painted on it. I really like it. I also really like that he visited me for most of three days, and came with me to the annual Daughters of Norway picnic. Not only was he perfectly comfortable around all the (mostly) old Norwegians, but they seem to approve of him, so all is well in that quarter. I heard him referred to as my "handsome fellow" more than once, which of course is very nice to hear. Even more importantly, going out to the picnic was a great excuse to go driving around East County; after leaving the picnic, I looped us around to the River Farm, which is past Van Zandt, and where I have fond memories of camping some 12 years ago. The picnic site itself was beautiful, right by the north fork of the Nooksack. I think we may see about camping there soon.

Housing search continues, and I'm trying very hard not to be stressed over things which are not happening now.

Still looking for a dog-friendly place to live in Bellingham. Not having any real success, and becoming stressed. Help?

The search for new housing continues. The hardest part is finding someplace that'll be dog-friendly and in town.

Yesterday I felt full of feelings which weren't easily identified. Some parts surfaced coherently, such as "things I miss"--flying, riding on a motorcycle, camping (non-SCA), day-long hikes, driving out to less-familiar places, being on a boat--and the attached feelings were nostalgia and a little sad lacking.
I was just getting onto "what will put me more at ease right now", dinner being done but not feeling quite ready to settle down with tea and knitting, when the phone rang. It was my fella, and we came up with some plans for the near future which completely involve things which I'd just identified as missing; that is, camping and hiking and day-adventuring. Perfect!

I feel I should have more to say, more stories to tell and thoughts to share, but right now my brain seems to be still asleep.

It's official: I'm moving back into Bellingham by the end of August.

I need a place where I can have my dog and cat and a parking spot, and rent needs to be cheap. I have some potential roommates, so I'm also looking at houses which can be shared. I'm pretty sure things'll work out, 'cause they generally do, but I also know that my parameters are pretty tight, and that makes for some anxiety.